It has been three months since I last posted something about my journeys in LaLa land. This is gonna be a bit long and I'm going to go back in time...
I went home for the holidays and it felt great to see my family and friends again. I'm not gonna lie, when I got home I was in AWE with all the snow. When I walked into my house I felt happy yet oddly sad. I asked my mom why I felt this way and she said because of all the memories and I am not around anymore. My dog was so happy to see me, running back and forth with her tongue hanging out. She gave me a great big hug!
I spent Christmas with my family and my friend Gene. It was nice having a home cooked meal again and watching movies. A few days later I went to visit and hang out with friends. Whenever I go home from Cali and start driving around I am in shock for about a day, everything from not as much traffic to the snow and yes, even the kind people-- you name it I am just like woah.
Coming home was also kind of uneasy and upsetting. Not only did my grandma (mom's mom) fall down the steps and is in a nursing home rehab, coming home was hard on my dad emotionally. He was angry and sad with me the last four days of my visit to the point where I just couldn't hold his hand anymore, I was getting annoyed. My mom sensed this and I told her I just wanted to go back to OC. My dad just couldn't live in the moment while I was home and that didn't make me feel so well. Anyone that's from the Midwest knows that it's important to have a romantic relationship and continue to build closeness with family and friends from over the years. My dad just couldn't understand why I up and left all that. He said, you know, a lot of 30-somes have a great job, are married and are settled with a house and kids. I said well dad maybe one day way into the future but times are different now and I just want to live my life. He got kind of angry at that. When I came back to OC we didn't speak for a week. In between all this, my mom flew to Ohio to be with my grandma. My grandma finally went back to her house on Saturday but she is still going to need my moms help for awhile, at least until the end of March.
I came back expecting to go full time either with my current company NAVTEQ or with CBS. NAVTEQ was hiring full time drivers to help do data capture so they could make new maps. What excites me about this job is I have the opportunity to travel and the fact that driving is something that makes me feel free and focused (the other is writing). Long story short, they were suppose to hire in January and then pushed it until the end of March.
CBS was looking for a Web Content Producer and they too are also waiting until the spring. That's why I sometimes type on my FB status that spring is such a crucial month for me because a lot of things will be answered. It's scary to think of where I will or will not end up. I used to be stressed about it for weeks but I had to calm myself down and just relax or I was gonna drive myself crazy.
In between all this time and still applying to other jobs I volunteered at the Santa Barbara Intl Film Festival. If I had my way and life was grand, I'd move there. It's kind of my getaway from LA and OC. I am at such peace there and it's just gorgeous. I love the central coast, the furthest up I went was San Simeon where the Hearst Castle was. I would love to do some hiking and maybe camp out (yes, I would love to try camping out at least once in my life...y'all are probably laughing at me) up there one day.
Ok anyway the film festival...it was an amazing experience. I got to work a couple of Red Carpet events, one was with Geoffrey Rush and Ed Harris. The rest of the time I was working in the press office. I basically helped the press with screener check-outs, made phone calls, ran clipboards to the appropriate theatres, etc etc...I swear I lost weight, State Street (the main street in Santa Barbara) is soooooooo long. I had a blast and I can't wait to do another festival.
I also have been trying to volunteer for other organizations. I am waiting to hear back from the Red Cross about a PR and PIO position. I am also waiting to hear back about being a newsletter writer called Adopt-A-Park. I like giving back to the community (ok and enhancing my skills and resume too) and it makes me feel good. I just secured a volunteer position as an online comm manager for Barks-Of-Love. I love dogs, miss mine all the time. I would love to get a dog here but it doesn't work out with my living situation at the moment. I miss nuturing a dog. :(
I also was an extra in the Adam Sandler movie "Jack and Jill" where I was a theatre goer with about 700 other extras. Al Pacino was in the scene and we all went nuts when he came on stage. The night before he had won a Golden Globe. Seeing Adam Sandler direct was interesting, he's funny and extremely calm. There was a scene where Al said a line and I had to be the first to jump up and scream "WHOO!!!" and clap and cheer. So we'll see if I made the final cut or not, if I didn't it's ok, I was just happy to be there. I don't know how some of you that are actors do it, my little cousin Rachel says oh Biggie C (Big Cous nickname), you just have to relate to the character. I just can't, I can only relate to myself, lol.
If anyone is wondering about my guy situation because y'all know I'm infamous for NOT going out on dates (lol), the answer is not at the moment. I did recently realize a few months ago that dating doesn't have to be so scary after all and I am starting to put myself out there. I have a high self esteem about myself when it comes to taking care of myself, my job, family, friends, but when it came to dating I just didn't have it for a very long time. Now I feel like I am at a good place in my life and I want to be happy with someone just like the rest of y'all are with your significant other. So we will see what happens, I am going to start having more fun.
I know some of you have told me this-- ok a lot of you-- about Cali men and that their aren't any good ones out here. All I can say is I have to believe that love exists for me somewhere. For me to actually start believing in it again after three years of being a non-believer took a lot of time to get to where I am right now. I look back and I don't think I had up a ton of walls but I remember going through heartache and being a mini socialite back home (lol). Through all of it I never stopped loving myself, even if I don't love myself the right way I do it the best way I know how to.
I feel like ever since I turned 30 I feel good about getting older. My 20s were amazing (and at times dumb) and I have so much I want to accomplish and do. I just want it to be filled with more laughs and love.
Talk to y;al later!
K.
