ANOTHER new beginning...things are looking up!

I've been MIA lately and once again neglecting my blog/memoir and I want to explain what has been going on.

Six weeks ago I accepted a full time position as a driver for NAVTEQ. If you guys have ever seen the Google cars driving around town with cameras on top of it, that's what I did but for another company. It captures all the data and pictures that stores it onto computer hard drives that are in the back of the car.

When I accepted the position, I was panicing. Let me put it this way: if I didn't take the position I would've had to have moved back home to MN. To date, I went through 60% of my savings account, I wasn't even partying it was mainly because of the rent money that was killing me month to month and working part time at the NAVTEQ editing center wasn't always making ends meat. I know a lot of people in California live paycheck to paycheck but that's not how I was raised. I was having a hard time wrapping my head around that idea.

My editing boss didn't want me to leave, I didn't want to leave but I had to secure something for myself. One of my co-workers told me I'd be back in two months and in a sense he was right, which I'll get to in a second.

The training was in San Francisco and I had my own room with a super king bed, flat screen TV, big bathroom and big desk. I also had a great view of the Bay area. It was like heaven but the training was grueling. Sometimes the training schedule would be a bit behind and all the technical aspects of it seemed overwhelming at first. Sometimes the training would run an hour or two over schedule. I went out ONCE with my team to a restaurant down by the Wharf. I had fun and the car I was in even went down to the GG Bridge and Ashbury St. But by the time the training day was done, all I wanted to do was sleep. I was emotionally and mentally exhausted, so was my co-worker. We got paid to fly up there and back, so including that and the time we put in for training, we put in 55 hours.

The following week we still didn't have the proper cars for the job, so we worked with another team of the same division that drove around in an SUV and looked at Points of Interests at intersections. That was a 52 hour work week I believe. We also had to swap out cars at the last minute on a Friday in places that were far, far away from us or we didn't know our work schedule or what to do. It was very unstructured.

I was also exhausted, so tired that at the end of the day all I wanted to do was come home and sleep. It was like, there was so much OT-- which is a very nice paycheck and I loved making the dough-- but I couldn't go out and enjoy my evening, such as go to the gym The projects were all in LA (I was suppose to be based in OC like I was told and that office is 15 mins from my house), so I'd get home at 7pm at night, take a shower, eat and go to bed. Then I'd have to be up at 6am so I could sit in traffic and meet my driver (or navigator) by 8am in West Hollywood. The job was turning out to be something that wasn't a good fit for me but again, it was a full time job.

The following week we had what was called "down time." Because the True Cars STILL weren't ready, we got "paid" for 20 hrs work. So I decided to look at it as "vacation" time and I went to San Diego and hung out with my friend that was visiting for a few days. A couple days later I went to Santa Barbara with my friend Nicole. I try to get up ato SB as much as I can, I absolutely love it there. Anyone that's been there knows how gorgeous it is. So I can Nicole a tour. Later on the drive back I started telling her how I have been looking at TV jobs up in the area for awhile to see if there was an opening but nothing had popped up.

The same night I came home and there was an opening for as Assignment Editor/Web Producer at the station in SB (the other is in San Luis Obispo, which is an 1.5 hrs from SB and Santa maria which is 45 mins from SB). It was exactly what I wanted to be doing again. It was good karma, I immediately applied. The following week a couple of guys that had True Cars in Vegas came out to do a project with us. In between that the news director called me from the station I applied at and we clicked immediately. He told me to come in for an interview on a Saturday. I drove up and met him and the general manager. The station is up on a hill and has a very large patio with a breathtaking view. You can see the mntns, the whole city of SB and the ocean. I haven't seen a still view like that, only when I drove up the mntns. The staff is great, the news directpor totally has my back and it was just a good fit. That following Monday, I accepted the position. I was accepted out of 120 people-- that's insane!! That goes to show you how much the economy is suffering.

I put in a weeks notice at my driving job and had a week off the find an apt. I decided on Thousand Oaks, a city in Ventura County. It is half way between SB and LA which is where I wanted to be. I'm living in a private townhome community with a roomie. The place is clean and my room is amazing with an attached bath, a desk area and vaulted ceiling. The rent is also $100 cheaper than where I am living now! It's a very nice area, my nearby neighbors are a couple of the Jacksons and Will/Jada Smith! My editing center boss also hired me back on to work occassional weekends for some extra cash and help.

I have so many great ideas for the station and I am sooooooooo excited to start my new job! It feels good going back into TV news after a 2.5 yr hiatus. Santa Barbara is such an amazing place where they also cherish family values and are very into volunteering. I can't wait to get involved again in the community!

K.

I got a full time job, I did what I came here to do...now what?

Two weeks ago I accepted a full time position with my current company at NAVTEQ. Right now I am editing part time at our traffic center and I am a fill-in producer at KCBS. Lately I've been working 43, 41 hours a week almost, more than my full time co-workers. It's nuts.

The position I accepted is a driving gig. I basically would drive in a company vehicle 7-8 hours a day with a satellite on top of that takes pictures of the roadways. I joke with my other co-worker Sandy, who also will be doing the same thing I am, that I can't wait to go to Watts and drive the back roads, find me a straight shooter, lol. For those of you that don't know what Watts is, compare it to a bad part of town in North Mpls.

The training is the first full week in April in San Francisco. I'm not even looking at it as training, I'm looking at it as a mini vacay. I haven't been to San Fran since my choir trip back in high school. The company is flying me up there then we have to drive the car back down. I am taking the coastal route back down, I wish I could have someone as a passenger with me, the coast is so gorgeous! :)

It's weird how I was so stressed out, esp. in January and February, about finding a full time job, then I get one and now I feel...neutral. It's not my dream job but I do like the fact that I will be traveling and driving. There are only two things that calm me down, driving and writing, I enjoy them. I remember if it was warm back home and I was in a stressed out mood I'd look at my dad and ask for the keys to the vette, just so I could take it on the freeway and speed a bit. Driving takes away all the stress and I feel so free when I'm doing it...don't know why. It's the only time I feel like I am in control, like you don't want to mess with me, lol. If I am the passenger I feel out of control and will probably pop a ton of gum in my mouth just to calm myself down, lol.

It's weird how when I accepted the full time job how I miss the Midwest so much. I think I started realizing it when I reconnected with my friend Brea a week ago after 2 years of not talking. She said to me, Do you know how lucky you are to just up and leave for a new place?! So many people never do that and you did it! It made me feel good but also made me feel numb. I think what I'm realizing is I can stay in California in my early 30s, but once I get into my mid/late 30s, I wanna go back home, either back to Mpls or to Chicago and get settled with a family, again I don't know why it took me moving to California to realize this-- that should be the title for my memoir now, lol. Maybe it's age? I want my future kids to see the change of seasons and jump in the leaves and have snowball fights and have hot cocoa by the fireplace and that kind of stuff. And they are going to have a treehouse in the backyard damnit, girl growing up down the street from me had a treehouse and I always wanted one. So the treehouse is a must.

So yeah, I am at such a crossroads...back in January I told a couple people that if I couldn't find a full time job I was probably going to have to end up moving back home and that I was probably going to be angry for awhile. Now here I am, I get the full time job, and I miss the Midwest. Just when I thought I had it all figured out, I'm half clueless..goddamnit you guys, there is never going to be a happy medium with me! LOL. I feel like a need a sign from someone or somebody, tried turning to God but I don't think he knows either, lol. One thing I will say about California is I am a hell of a lot calmer with my moods than I used to be, but the patience thing is inching...

Confession: I partied way too much in my late 20s and was heartbroken

The other day I was going through a ton of old MySpace blogs that I had written from 3-4 years ago. I haven't logged into my MySpace account in ages.

Some of the things I said made me crack up-- I think my favorite was when I was talking about a liquor account and I was "dancing in a cage handing out samples and cards, then later that night I took some Vicadin because my head hurt." Then I talked about how I wanted to be locked in a cage more often. Lol.

 But some of the things I was saying back then shocked me and made me sad with what I was going through. Now that I'm 30 I can look back and have a better understanding about what was going on with me back then.

This is the first time I have ever really spoken about this but I want to leave a few details out...

I think the highest point of my life was when I was 26/27. I had just landed a full time gig at my TV station and I felt like I had it made. It was like, OMG I did it-- I work in television, ya know? After working all these part time gigs, I finally did it.

I was on top of the world but I was lonely. It's hard working in an environment where a majority of your co-workers were either engaged, married or had a significant other and when they come up to you asking why you are single and why you don't have anybody. I was proud of being single an independent, like I'm fine on my own...I can do this...but I started feeling pressure. Big time.

Awhile later, one of my co-workers approached me and asked me out, so I accepted. I was skeptical, I have never done that before, but went ahead with it. We had fun with each other and it only lasted only a few months. We both wanted to different things in life. What I learned from him was that I wanted to get married in the future, not necessarily to HIM but in general.

After we called it off I was a little sad, but not crying over it. I put more energy into work and managing liquor accounts. When NYE came in 2007 I told my best friend, "2008 is going to be MY YEAR!! Everything is going to be perfect!"

But it turned out to be my worst year of my life to date.

In January 2008 I started casually seeing a man that was older than me. I think some of you that might read this know who I am talking about. I was attracted to him from the getgo, had a co-worker put in a good word for me and ended up asking when him and I could meet up. We ended up going on a date and all I could remember was thinking, so THIS is what it's like to have those "sparks" everyone was talking about! The date lasted 8 hours-- it was a long time. We clicked, we gel'ed, everything couldn't have been more perfect. I wish I would've slowed down some, because it was like it went from 0 to 100 MPH in one night. I was excited but later scared of my actions. God in retrospect I think, What the hell was I thinking back then?

A month later everything turned into a little "game." I hated it. It was more like a "I'll call you when I want to talk to you" with him, not a "I'll call you because I'm thinking about you and want to make sure your day went well"- ya know what I mean? Everything just got too complicated and ended up being a one-way street with him. With any relationship I have in my life, friends, family, whatever-- I always make it a two-way street. Sometimes I left work between February and March because my boss thought I was "sick." But I would go home and cry, just cry, all day long. Tears just wouldn't stop. Thank god my parents weren't around and in Florida because I needed so much space during that time. I didn't want to be around anyone.

My boss sat me down one day and said he was worried about me and insisted I take a vacay. That's when I took a trip to LA with my mom in 2007. Whenever I took a trip somewhere, in the back of my mind I would wonder if I could ever live there or not. I told my mom, God, why didn't I come here years ago in my early 20s? Four years later I made that dream come true.

Anyway, back to the story...There is nothing in the world I wouldn't have done for him. I wanted us to be a couple so bad but it just couldn't be. It was an on and off head game for the rest of the year, like just when I thought I could get my bearings again and move forward, he'd come back begging me not to get rid of him in my life. I did stupid shit too-- like I'd call him and try to get a rise out of him because I missed him (at the time) and wanted attention. It wasn't cool what either of us were doing.

In between all this people started talking, most of the time getting back to him. We were never, ever a couple, let's get that straight, at times over the phone or when we did hang out we would ACT like it but we weren't. Nothing was offical. I never bad talked him and never spread rumors and he didn't do that with me either. It was strictly a situation where we were friends but at times got complicated trying to figure things out.

By the end of 2008 I was laid off from my job due to budget cuts. I thought, great. I had a rough year dealing with a guy and now I lost my job. I was heartbroken after all of it, mainly from the guy. I was able to go back to NAVTEQ again part time and still work my liquor gig but it was the guy that did me in. I felt like I wasn't good enough and I cut off dating from my life up until I moved to California. I thought, men just like me because I am tall and slender and see me as a challenge and then a conquer, what could I give a man? That's when the partying happened. My friend Brea and I would go out all the time, sometimes 4 or 5 times a week. All I remember was I didn't want to be sitting around at home and I wanted to go out, I'd always be going SOMEWHERE with Brea. And when I saw what SHE went through with men when we would go out that made me put my walls up even more. I didn't trust anybody but my family and some close friends. That was it. Don't talk to me unless I want to be talked to. Don't screw with me or I would bring you down.

I wasn't partying in a bad way where I was getting intoxicated (well, once in a blue moon) all the time, I know when to cut myself off and say no. I was the more responsible one actually and always made sure everyone else was safe in the end. Once again I was the nurturer. But the older guy I used to see used to say to me, "Kateri you party too much!" and I'd be in denial, no I'm not!! Screaming. But I did.

Dating in your 20s is suppose to be fun and loving and for a majority of it for me it wasn't. It wasn't just the ton of bad experiences. I think I kept using my hardwork effort as an excuse not to date, even as I type that I still don't 100% have that figured out.

I love being independent, but you get to a certain point in your life where the walls have to come down and you have to let someone in and go forward together when the right person comes along. Like it was just getting really old, ya know what I mean? I don't know why it took me moving to California to make me realize that.

I'm getting beyond sleepy I need to go to bed...

Where I was when the bridge fell down

I found this on my MySpace blog. I haven't logged into it in god knows how long but I wanted to dig into my past to see how I was feeling back then. Anyway here's a post I wrote about when the 35W Bridge fell in 2007:

Jan 15, 2008

Where I was when the bridge went down

Current mood:calm

I was going to type this MONTHS ago and I never did. I wrote on a quick blog that I was still stuck in the newsroom and I got a ton of e-mails from people on here, and I'm not talking just friends. At the time I didn't have my profile set to private. But I really was surprised at the strangers who e-mailed me, I remember.
The 35W Bridge is not considered "old news" in the Twin Cities, even 5 months later and I'm typing this. Take a look on KSTP.com and they are looking into the gusset plates that might have caused the bridge to collapse. It won't be "old news" I would GUESS until December 2008. It is suppose to "re-open" on Dec 24th. Even when I go out to places, people are still talking about the bridge.
If and when we have interns come in, they always ask what it is like when there is breaking news at the assignment desk. We use the 35W Bridge Collapse as the best example.
I dunno where I should begin...
I'll say it again and again: at the time, I don't think the state of MN has really been this devastated since Wellstone died, which was in 2002. I went to the memorial and reported. In the end, the memorial caused a ton of controversy and a ton of sadness. The same applies to the 35W Bridge Collapse.
I get off at 6:30pm Wed-Fri evenings. It was 6:20pm and I was getting ready to leave. I was waiting for my co-worker to come back to the desk. Then I got a call from a man that the 35W Bridge had fallen into the Mississippi River. A producer told me that someone was pulling my leg. Suddenly I got another call. We then checked out the traffic cameras. There was a cloud of smoke and a huge hole. I knew that things were going to get crazy, so I paged my co-worker up to the desk right away. I dispatched our chopper pilot into the air, he was in disbelief. My co-worker sent out an all reporter, photographer and tech page. I called my old co-worker from Traffic.com and told her to come in ASAP, we needed help making some traffic maps. I think everyone was in shock. I remember I drove over it 2 days before. Nothing felt akward. To this day, people claim that when they were driving over the bridge that day it felt unsafe and wobbly.
After that the hours just flew by. Phone call after phone call. I remember I had my reporter friend from the Sioux Falls station, KSFY, call. He was driving into metro and needed a TON of PIO numbers.
There are a few things I remember...there was a point where the phone lines were getting so crazy that when Norm Coleman called I didn't recognize his voice. I remember a producer calling in telling us that she got a room at the Holiday Inn that overlooked the site. The phone call I remember the most was a woman calling in saying that she was wondering why the show "American Inventor" wasn't on. That ticked me off so much...I'll just leave it at that. I remember that 13 people died. I remember I walked out that night at 1am.
My desk manager was such a trooper. He got off at 2pm that day, came back in around 7pm ish and stayed until NOON the next day!!! He is a very dedicated guy.
Next day...I think it was the next day-- the Hennepin County Medical Examiner's site put up a page that would let us know the bodies identified from the wreck. That day I was dealing more with the national and INTERNATIONAL affiliates. That was probably the biggest pain. It's funny, because now that is one of my favorite things to do at work. I remember that Congress granted Mpls money to rebuild a new bridge- I think it was $250 million? We were on the air for...I can't remember for sure, 25hrs straight? That night I left work at midnight...and I went to the site.
The site had turned people into tourists. People from WI and all across MN came to view it. It is probably about 20 some blocks west from the station. It's one thing to look at the site on TV, but in person, it was just horrific and mostly sad. I saw people crying...I shed a few tears, but I didn't cry hard. I couldn't really get a good look, but I saw cars on the concrete in the river. At this point, everything was blocked off. If you crossed police lines, you were handcuffed and taken away. Days and days later they reopened the Stone Arch Bridge (walking bridge near the 'U'). Across at Gold Medal Park, there were hundreds of cards, stuffed animals-- just rememberance signs. I recently saw one when I was driving down University towards work. It was a little kid's handwriting that said, "We will never forget you."
Friday was the day the First Lady had to come into town because she had to talk about childhood education. She later toured the site.
The next day President Bush came to tour the site. I went back to working my normal hours.
Sunday was a special service at a church for all the victims (one, I should say, I went to high school with!).
And after that...day by day we waited for more news conferences-- and believe me, they were practically happening every hour for a WEEK-- and we awaited the names of the victims. I think we almost interviewed everyone that was on the bridge that day and the families that lost a loved one. After that part was "done," it was all about attending funerals, visitations, making sure we were at the bridge at the right time when they took certain vehciles off, such as the school bus or the Tasty Truck. During this time, we hired a freelance photog who's job was to be a stakeout at the bridge site just to make sure nothing goes wrong. Then we had to cover many, many benefits for the victims.
I learned a ton about the victims. I think the victim that got the most media attention in this whole thing, in my opinion-- is Sherry Engebretsen. She was working at Thrivent Financial downtown. At the time, they were doing construction around the bridge area. Up until that day, she had avoided it all summer and took the back roads home. She was 60.
I think Christina Sacorafas was the second most talked about. She was very involved with her church and loved to dance. I think she was 36 if I remember? I remember talking to her boyfriend on the phone. He was still shaken up.
Greg Jolstad if I recall was the construction worker that was on the bridge when it fell.
There are more...the boyfriend of Mercedes Gordon went to my college, SCSU. She survived, and they had a huge benefit party for her.
Currently, the bridge is being rebuilt. The project started a month or two later than it should've. The gov't was (and still is!) arguing about "who's fault it is." In my opinion, at the time, I didn't want the gov't to argue, we needed a quick answer and solution...there's a hole in the middle of one the most traveled freeways in the metro!!!
They had to expand 94 EB/WB between the split and Hwy 280 to four lanes. It used to be three. They are a lot narrower. They also had to remove all stoplights on Hwy 280 and block of residential streets.
When you do travel up 35W North, you have to exit at Washington Ave. Up ahead are a ton of barricades and fences. If you travel South, you have to exit at University Ave. Again, more barricades and fences.
I haven't been by the site since the day it collapsed, but when you look at our bridge camera, there are many cranes. Right now they are working on the Piers. Everytime I look at the camera, it looks the same. I think once everything starts "rising" I'll be able to tell a difference.
What is very nice is every..I think Sunday...the bridge contractors offer free tours for people so they can update them on the bridge progress. I think that is very kind and helpful of them, it gives people a brighter light and more hope. It's very important for people to know.
What I am looking fwd to is driving over the new bridge once it is done being rebuilt. I am looking forward to the NTSB being done with their investigation.
It may be the biggest year for the election (and the RNC, for you people), but it's also another big year for MN when the bridge is finished...

The relationship with my dad

Tonight I wanted to talk about the relationship I have with my father, Paul. Once again my parents can't see the blog because I have certain things blocked on my social media accounts and plus they don't even know this blog exists. This is going into my memoir...I'll probably edit it a bit later because I am never 100% satisfied.

The relationship my father and I have I would say is better than it's ever been. It started getting better after he retired from his chiropractic business in 2006. Before that it was a bunch of struggles.

When I talk about my dad now I can say it with more respect than I did when I was growing up, because when you grow up and you have a hard time with your parents-- at least I did. So when I talk about my dad then vs now I just understand it better.

My dad was a very successful chiroparctor who owned his own business. He was a businessman and new what it took to make it successful. He went to many seminars on how to try and make it bigger and better, which he succeeded at. Before he was a chiropractor he was a pharmacist and maintained his license in Minnesota and Florida. After he retired he went back into pharmacy part time to keep his mind busy. My dad really enjoys what he does and is good at it.

My dad worked hard but he also played hard...it was when I was sometime in elementary school. I don't remember a lot looking back but the way I understand it was he wanted to celebrate his success and party it up. What I can remember is my mom and I went to this hole in the wall called "Sneakers" in Brooklyn Park and she brought me with to go looking for him. I remember walking down these flights of stairs and seeing all these guys playing pool, and when they saw a little kid walk in everyone just stopped and stared at me. I never saw my dad as a hard drinker or alcoholic, just someone who liked to have fun. Months later he got a DUI for running a stop sign. I remember my mom and aunt going to bail him out and playing a game with my grandma (his mom). When I heard the garage door open I ran downstairs and opened the back door to great him and I have this image of him in the backseat and my mom very angry and hurt.

After his court appearance he was ordered to do community service, which was arranging all of the choir music sheets from our local church. My mom and I ended up doing most of it. Shortly after he buckled down a lot and my mom had to drive him back and forth from his practice because his drivers license was revoked. Maybe a year later my mom and I went to Ohio and my mom went into my grandma's garage and saw the old 1954 Corvette sitting there. It used to be a race car that was given to my grandfather by a race car driver. My mom ended up shipping it home to my dad, and thus the project began.

I noticed a major change in my dad once he got that car. He spent the rest of my childhood restoring that car so it was 100% perfect. He even joined a club called the National Corvette Restorers Society which he is still a member of. It's Duntoved (a prestigious award) at 99.9% accurate. I remember when he won that award I was soooooooooooo proud of him! There are only 12,000 '54 vettes left in the world. It's worth $100,000 because of its perfect condition.

In between this I was taking private piano lessons and putting on local concerts. I was also involved in dance and other activities like softball. My mom was a stay at home mom and went to every single one of those games. My dad came to as many as he could, but not all. You would think growing up that I would have gotten upset because he was busy at a work meeting or doing something with the corvette, but I wasn't. I never cried about it. I think I might have been upset ONCE and wrote about it in my diary but I just got over it. In my mind it was "Dad has a goal he's trying to accomplish" and I never hated him for it. In my teens my dad would later say how he regretted not being there more but I told him there was no hard feelings, and that was the honest to god truth. But looking back now, I can see why my dad and I had some tension between us years later, maybe because of that but I still don't really know. What I DO understand is why I am and was always searching for 100% emotional support from a potential romantic partner.

My dad is much more calmer after he retired from his business. If I was dealing with insurance companies all day long, I'd be going nutty too. My mother was also played a huge keyrole in making the business successful on the administrative/billing side. They formed a partnership. My mom was also so good at dealing with insurance companies that the State Capitol asked her to come and volunteer for them, which she declined because she didn't want to pay for parking.

My dad always wanted me to take over his business. He had a great list of clientele and people really listened and trusted my dad. But I loved the media/entertainment field just too much. Growing up I was entertaining people or writing at a very young age, I always, ALWAYS knew what I wanted to do and be. My dad was slightly upset that I didn't want his business and ended up selling it to a younger chiropractor who is also very successful. The thought of touching skin all day just grossed me out...and it still does.

As far as my career goes and my dad supporting it, I think he supports it the best way he knows how. There are still some days that he is not thrilled with what I do because he was a businessman and old-fashioned, that's all he knows. I could explain it to him until I'm blue in the face and he still might not get it. But he accepts it as best as he can, he is who he is and I can't change that. What he DOES acknowledge a lot of how hard of a worker I am. I definitely get that trait from him. When I work hard, I work hard. We both love to work because we'd go nutty without it. The older I get the more I realize that I have more traits like my dad than my mom, and my mom and I were closer when I was growing up...isn't that funny?

My dad was hard on me sometimes growing up and had a slight temper. He never laid a hand on me but fought with words. I used to get teased a lot in elementary school and he taught me how to stick up for myself and don't let anyone push me around, which is funny because that is why him and I butt heads sometimes to this day. My dad and I like arguing now but not in a bad way, we just like telling each others perspectives on things. My mom will say to us, Stop lecuturng Paul! or Stop arguing you two! But my dad and I just look at her and say, No it's fine, we are communicating. That's the only way we know how.

I noticed after my dad retired in 2006 that he says "I love you" a lot more. Sometimes it still throws me through a loop because my dad is one of those guys who shows that he loves you or is sorry by getting that person a gift. For him to actually say it is just like, wow! sometimes.

Moving to LA was sooooooooooo incredibly tough on him (and still is). I saw my dad cry once when his mother died and then when I moved out. I wish I could sit there and say I cried with him but I didn't. Throughout the whole move I was calm and focused. Sometimes on the phone (like today actually) he was talking about all these jobs in Minneapolis... in between the lines obviously he wants me to come back home for good. When he grew up he had an army dad and they moved place to place to place. He was always near his family, even when my mom and him got married they still lived 5 minutes away. So for me to up and leave all about myself, the only child, was hard on him. I've talked about this before in past blogs, I moved home from college and all I did was save up and hardly had any expenses, I had it good. So for me leaving the nest at age 30 after I've been there for the past 30 years of my life (not counting being away while at college) was a huge change. He believes in being planted where you are (in Minnesota) and I can understand why he would think that way.

There is nothing my dad wouldn't do for his family, he is there thick and thin. My dad tries as hard as he can to be emotionally supportive but it's financially supportive that he strives at. I joke that I am a spoiled only child because I am. There are two kinds of spoiled children: A) The kind that say mommy daddy give me this or that and B) the other kind where the parents just naturally spoil the child without having the child ask them for anything. I am letter B. My dad raised me to be independent (which is so odd because he isn't, he's a mess without my mom around, lol) so I hardly go to him for anything, even when I lived at home after college. I think once in a blue moon I'll ask for maybe a maximum of $20. I never, ever, ever went to either of my parents and said, Mom/dad, I'm in a bind. I always found a way out. My mom calls me a "survivor" because I am.

It's been awhile...

It has been three months since I last posted something about my journeys in LaLa land. This is gonna be a bit long and I'm going to go back in time...

I went home for the holidays and it felt great to see my family and friends again. I'm not gonna lie, when I got home I was in AWE with all the snow. When I walked into my house I felt happy yet oddly sad. I asked my mom why I felt this way and she said because of all the memories and I am not around anymore. My dog was so happy to see me, running back and forth with her tongue hanging out. She gave me a great big hug!

I spent Christmas with my family and my friend Gene. It was nice having a home cooked meal again and watching movies. A few days later I went to visit and hang out with friends. Whenever I go home from Cali and start driving around I am in shock for about a day, everything from not as much traffic to the snow and yes, even the kind people-- you name it I am just like woah.

Coming home was also kind of uneasy and upsetting. Not only did my grandma (mom's mom) fall down the steps and is in a nursing home rehab, coming home was hard on my dad emotionally. He was angry and sad with me the last four days of my visit to the point where I just couldn't hold his hand anymore, I was getting annoyed. My mom sensed this and I told her I just wanted to go back to OC. My dad just couldn't live in the moment while I was home and that didn't make me feel so well. Anyone that's from the Midwest knows that it's important to have a romantic relationship and continue to build closeness with family and friends from over the years. My dad just couldn't understand why I up and left all that. He said, you know, a lot of 30-somes have a great job, are married and are settled with a house and kids. I said well dad maybe one day way into the future but times are different now and I just want to live my life. He got kind of angry at that. When I came back to OC we didn't speak for a week. In between all this, my mom flew to Ohio to be with my grandma. My grandma finally went back to her house on Saturday but she is still going to need my moms help for awhile, at least until the end of March.

I came back expecting to go full time either with my current company NAVTEQ or with CBS. NAVTEQ was hiring full time drivers to help do data capture so they could make new maps. What excites me about this job is I have the opportunity to travel and the fact that driving is something that makes me feel free and focused (the other is writing). Long story short, they were suppose to hire in January and then pushed it until the end of March.

CBS was looking for a Web Content Producer and they too are also waiting until the spring. That's why I sometimes type on my FB status that spring is such a crucial month for me because a lot of things will be answered. It's scary to think of where I will or will not end up. I used to be stressed about it for weeks but I had to calm myself down and just relax or I was gonna drive myself crazy.

In between all this time and still applying to other jobs I volunteered at the Santa Barbara Intl Film Festival. If I had my way and life was grand, I'd move there. It's kind of my getaway from LA and OC. I am at such peace there and it's just gorgeous. I love the central coast, the furthest up I went was San Simeon where the Hearst Castle was. I would love to do some hiking and maybe camp out (yes, I would love to try camping out at least once in my life...y'all are probably laughing at me) up there one day.

Ok anyway the film festival...it was an amazing experience. I got to work a couple of Red Carpet events, one was with Geoffrey Rush and Ed Harris. The rest of the time I was working in the press office. I basically helped the press with screener check-outs, made phone calls, ran clipboards to the appropriate theatres, etc etc...I swear I lost weight, State Street (the main street in Santa Barbara) is soooooooo long. I had a blast and I can't wait to do another festival.

I also have been trying to volunteer for other organizations. I am waiting to hear back from the Red Cross about a PR and PIO position. I am also waiting to hear back about being a newsletter writer called Adopt-A-Park. I like giving back to the community (ok and enhancing my skills and resume too) and it makes me feel good. I just secured a volunteer position as an online comm manager for Barks-Of-Love. I love dogs, miss mine all the time. I would love to get a dog here but it doesn't work out with my living situation at the moment. I miss nuturing a dog.  :(

I also was an extra in the Adam Sandler movie "Jack and Jill" where I was a theatre goer with about 700 other extras. Al Pacino was in the scene and we all went nuts when he came on stage. The night before he had won a Golden Globe. Seeing Adam Sandler direct was interesting, he's funny and extremely calm. There was a scene where Al said a line and I had to be the first to jump up and scream "WHOO!!!" and clap and cheer. So we'll see if I made the final cut or not, if I didn't it's ok, I was just happy to be there. I don't know how some of you that are actors do it, my little cousin Rachel says oh Biggie C (Big Cous nickname), you just have to relate to the character. I just can't, I can only relate to myself, lol.

If anyone is wondering about my guy situation because y'all know I'm infamous for NOT going out on dates (lol), the answer is not at the moment. I did recently realize a few months ago that dating doesn't have to be so scary after all and I am starting to put myself out there. I have a high self esteem about myself when it comes to taking care of myself, my job, family, friends, but when it came to dating I just didn't have it for a very long time. Now I feel like I am at a good place in my life and I want to be happy with someone just like the rest of y'all are with your significant other. So we will see what happens, I am going to start having more fun.

I know some of you have told me this-- ok a lot of you-- about Cali men and that their aren't any good ones out here. All I can say is I have to believe that love exists for me somewhere. For me to actually start believing in it again after three years of being a non-believer took a lot of time to get to where I am right now. I look back and I don't think I had up a ton of walls but I remember going through heartache and being a mini socialite back home (lol). Through all of it I never stopped loving myself, even if I don't love myself the right way I do it the best way I know how to.

I feel like ever since I turned 30 I feel good about getting older. My 20s were amazing (and at times dumb) and I have so much I want to accomplish and do. I just want it to be filled with more laughs and love.

Talk to y;al later!

K.

Why do you work so much?

I get asked this question a lot too. The last time I was really asked it was my former co-worker at NAVTEQ in Mpls...this past May.

As I was answering it, I felt good about what I was accomplishing but realized that my life looked the same old living in Minnesota. I remember leaving work tried yet in a daze. Oddly enough, that was the same day I called my mother 6 hours later crying and telling her I was going to move to Los Angeles. I remember feeling confident about my decision.

I love to work. Work is my long term relationship. It is the only part of my life where I feel accomplished and happy, even if it drains me out on some days. When I accomplish something at the end of the day that makes me feel so alive and amazing.

I knew exactly what I wanted be growing up. I wanted to be a writer. I majored in Mass Communications and the journey that was ahead. I got involved with the school newspaper and radio station and a local radio station. I got an amazing experience and made amazing friends who I still keep in touch with. It was always nice to go into "work" and see the same people that had the same passion as you. You take in those moments and then later think, Gosh! Where are we all gonna end up?

I remember a couple of my class lectures. One class discussed the fact that if you were going to be a journalist, starting a family of your own would be hard in the sense that it takes a lot of hard work to get to the top. Looking back on that lecture, I believe getting to the top is different for every person. For me, it's Sony Music...or Paramount Pictures...or CBS. For another it may be a small non-profit. It all depends on happiness and what you are willing to sacrifice. I want the best of the best and that's why I moved to Los Angeles, or "Market #2" as the media calls it. "Market #1" is New York City. Skyscrapers make me feel claustrophobic and bug me.

The other class discussed how journalists don't eat properly. I have been there one too many times. Not eating unhealthy but hardly eating at all on some days, but not to the point where I was starving myself and throwing up. I have always maintained the weight I'm suppose to be at. There are some days where I don't make enough time to eat and I should. Then there are days where I eat like a cow! Sometimes I am running around too much (especially when I worked back home) place to place work work work you don't have TIME to think and eat! I have to go to NAVTEQ then get over to liquor storage, then I have a quick nap because I worked at 5am, but then I have to get up and finish writing my freelance story and then take a shower and get dolled up to go to an account and da da da da da...see how there's no time? I try not to look at it as an excuse but just the way it is.

In between my days that ARE crazy and I might have had just a small healthy snack or very light meal. Then when I get home I see two doors in my mind. One is labeled "sleep" and the other is labeled "eat." I always, always choose sleep. I SHOULD make it a priority, but I don't. My co-workers at work say to me if I am working a morning shift, "Kateri, you are tired this morning because you didn't eat breakfast." It's 6am in the morning! To me, that's too early to be eating! 10:30am is a good time for breakfast!

I have to sacrifice a lot to do what I want to do, especially when it comes to love. It has been hard-- and I speak this for some people that work in the same field as me-- hard to meet someone with my crazy hours and what I do. I have been on dates in the past where men gave up with me because of my job and future dreams. But then I look at other people in my field and wonder how they landed such a great and understanding person. My greatest fear in life is someone not accepting me or the way my life is. And I've learned that if I don't meet that great someone, that is fine, I still am good enough for myself.

Same with friends. Just today actually I had to cancel some plans with my friend in LA because my boss wanted me to come into work. I haven't had normal hours in the past 8 years. My roommate will say to me sometimes, "WHAT?! You're working an overnight shift?!" or "You'll never find your future husband with all those crazy hours you work!" I know he is joking but that's the reality of my life. I just have to keep going.

I am very picky about what company to work for and how it will help me in the long run. I turned down many, many jobs until I got to KSTP-TV. That was the golden ticket at the time. It's still the most talked about thing with potential employers that I have on my resume because I knew (and know) at some point in my life it will help me to the next greatest thing. Success and happiness as I said before is defined by the person.

I think I get the work ethic from my father. My father, Paul, was a chiropractor and had his own business. He knew business and what it took to keep it successful. My dad always pushed me to be bigger and better and I think subconsciously I was doing it to myself the older I got.

I've been in this business around age 11 or 12 when I started at the local community station. I want to stress that I don't do it for the glam or attention but because it's fun and I love it, even if it gets frustrating sometimes. It's a business and it takes a lot of good, hard-working, dedicated people to run it.

It's all I know.